Trapper Keepers and Other Supplies

This may or may not have happened to me.

You know how they say high school is the best years of your life?  They're lying.  It gets better.  At least I thought it did until that fateful night I was forced back into high school.

As a teenager, I was angst ridden and full of insecurities.  I wanted nothing more than to fit in, but my love of quirky old musicals, the 1950's and all things Princess Diana related, did nothing to help.

Thankfully, I survived those awkward years and went onto college where I met my husband.  He was a true soul mate who found my quirkiness endearing.  Our story begins much later after our 4 kids were around.

Our oldest was entering high school.  Unfortunately, she had inherited my insecurities and I'd tried the best I could to encourage her thru these tough times.  At the same time, I had decided it was time to get my life organized.  What better way to do this than to purchase a Trapper Keeper.  I was so proud of the way I was keeping a schedule, planning meals, keeping track of finances and a calendar!

The calendar.

There it was in red ink.

Circled. 

Curriculum night.

At the high school.

I summoned up all my courage, determined not to be a bad example to our daughter.  I would suck it up and not let the cool kids get to me.  I would love myself for who I am - a fun loving, dedicated, quirky, unconditionally loving mom.

I drove to the school and was running late.  Shoot!  The Trapper Keeper is letting me down!  I tucked it under my arm and stuck my daughter's schedule in my purse.  It had begun to drizzle, so I held an umbrella in my other hand.  Barely put together, I took a deep breath and walked into the school.  As I was walking in, a gaggle of women walked past me whispering and giggling.  Convinced they were giggling about the 40 year old mom carrying a Trapper Keeper, I envisioned them with their own Trapper Keepers spilling all over the floor including the folded up note in some massively Origami design that had a boys name and hearts all over it and he would bend down, pick it up, and laugh at her, not in the nice cute way, but in the "you're so stuck up!  I wish you were her!" way and point to me with love in his eyes and... sorry, obviously there are unresolved high school feelings, which is what made this next part so tragic.

So, I'm rushing through the halls and know that the first class on the schedule is P.E.  Good 'ol smelly gym and locker rooms.  I burst through the doors of the gym and found the eyes of a couple hundred - yes I said hundred - parents sitting on the bleachers while the most gorgeous P.E. teacher was going over class rules and requirements.

"Uh, hello?" he said to me.  I think I turned purple.

"Uh, yeah, I think I'm supposed to be here?"  I said trying not to vomit all over the squeaky shiny gym floor.

"Can I see the schedule?"

And that's when it happened.  I dug into my purse to pull out the schedule and  because of the Trapper Keeper, I dropped my open purse.  I swear the world was now in slow motion.  As the teacher walked towards me, everything in my purse went tumbling out.  Except one.  One of them rolled.  Rolled right up to his foot and bounced up his leg.  That's right.  My emergency tampon.

Yep - best looking PE teacher and hundreds of parents looking at me.

I died.

I'm now in Heaven writing this posthumously.

Oh - and the Trapper Keeper ended up in the garbage.